Testimonials and Media

Every Monday night for the 18 months, I have had the pleasure of hearing a friendly voice answer my telephone call with the same "Hey! How's it going?"

"Hi, Coach! Just fine! Great!" I usually answer, mustering as much enthusiasm as I can on that particular evening. It doesn't take long before my coach, Lance, draws out how I really am, though. "Things are going great, huh?" he answers in response. "I'm glad to hear it. So tell me: what's been going on?" Ah, such a deceptively simple question asked from a place of genuine interest -- though at first I cynically told myself it was all just part of the coaching deal, money in exchange for an unconditional friend for an hour. So what if the "friend" was a studied act?

I heard about Lance from his brother, a mason muttering something about how Lance was into "foundation building for people" or some such crazy thing. It started innocently enough, with one trial 'phone call. Somehow Lance's questions led right to my personal truths: about where I was, where I wanted to be, and the best way to get there, all without a trace of judgment or condemnation. Sometimes we have explored where a certain attitude of mine has come from -- my need for external approval, for instance, and how that leads me to take on way more than anyone can possibly do -- but the conversation generally steers clear of subjects requiring advanced degrees in mental health. A personal coach, I have come to learn, is not the same as a shrink.

That said, I am incredulous at how far I have come since I started being coached. Lance and I speak about things usually only the best of friends or lovers do, without the baggage of expectation. (Never once has Lance said: "I'm only telling you this for your own good.") Instead Lance asks his questions, sometimes so maddening and often the very ones I want to avoid: "Why do you care what other people think of your boyfriend? Why do you care about what other people think at all? Whose life are you trying to live, anyhow? What's keeping you from doing what you love? Who's stopping you? Why are you letting them?" Aaaagghhh !

Then there are the weekly "homework" assignments, incremental steps I identify that, when accomplished, bring me closer to the goals I have set for myself and which I promise Lance I will do by next week's call. Notice my wording here: steps I identify, goals I set for myself. My coach doesn't do that stuff for me; that's my work to figure out. But he does check in with me mid-week sometimes just to see how it's going. I still haven't figured out how he knows exactly when to call, but he does ... helping me through a traumatic break-up, tough business times, familial angst, paperwork procrastination, a diet, disengaging from energy-sucking volunteer activities, even dealing with the disgruntled former wife of my fiancé. (It's been a rough year and a half.)

Through it all, Lance has consistently, reliably been on the other end of the telephone offering his no-nonsense brand of encouragement. When I haven't done something, when I have resisted a change I told him I wanted to make, he gently asks why not and listens while I work through the layers, whatever they are, to the real answer. And always the conversation ends with "You're doing great! Keep up the good work!"

Thanks, Coach. I will.